Two weeks of being newlywed and Nisha has already started doubting the direction her life is headed towards. It was not the first time nor second or third when she had an intense argument with her husband turned fiancé.
That feeling of disappointment, hurt and being lonely is part of every new relationship. We just need to look at it as a phase that actually strengthens the bond – A phase of learning, understanding and growing up together. Whenever you get that feeling of dejection just remember…
After a while only the ego remains
Usually when we are hurt it is not just difficult but near impossible to stay wise. Like they say, you cannot see your face in boiling water but only when the water is still.
Let us take a moment to see how it all works. You have an argument and for the first five minutes you stay with the topic that started it. As the argument stretches, hurt feelings from earlier situations usher out. You two end up in different rooms or places.
What happens once tongue goes silent and mind starts speaking? The mind reminds you of all the negative feelings you ever experienced. Then a connection starts to form and somehow the blame is completely on your partner, directly or indirectly.
Later when you two meet chances are that you may not even remember what started the argument in the first place. But you continue to feel hurt (hurt that you built up in your away time). And simultaneously experience that painful feeling where all you want is to be back with your partner and be your loving self again, but are controlled by your ego.
See Also: 10 Sure Shot Ways for Healthy Relationships.
Sometimes our expectations can get too high
Getting to be the most important person in someone’s life has its own set of expectations. With time these expectations only grow, sometimes to an extent that the other starts shrinking under their pressure. We start looking at the other as a failure. We only see the unfulfilled promises and our unmet hopes.
It usually happens that while we expect the other to accept us unconditionally and fall in love with our imperfections that we forget to be such a person ourselves.
Every now and then take time to recollect the moments when our partner did something unexpected for you or made effort to keep you happy. Keep such moments close and cherish them!
Our fantasies may ruin our reality
Every child grows up listening to or reading fairy tales and many subconsciously start building images of their price charming or dream girl. But what happens when our prince and princess get married in real? “Voila! My only one is not perfection but just an ordinary person!” Deep down arises the feeling of hurt, disappointment and kind of being cheated. After all you get married to someone who sometimes forgets to be thoughtful, who can also get angry, who is not excellent at understanding your gestures and cues, someone who like you, also gets stubborn in an argument.
Sometimes it is wise to be patient and look at your partner’s weaknesses with love. For it is your love and acceptance that will inspire him/her to become best of who he/she really is.
Transition from being single to being a married person
Despite all the pre-knowing, this transition is not a smooth sail for anyone. When the time comes, it all looks difficult and demanding. Amidst the new found responsibilities and life changes, it is natural to get into arguments over efforts being put and sense of being valued.
Especially a bride, who moves to a new house, adopts a new family and accepts a new second name expects her husband to be more sensitive while she is going through the ‘transition’ phase. It may happen that the husband fails to comfort her in the way she would have wanted. But it does not mean that he is being less caring or understanding. Do not make it his guilt! Talk to him about it, tell him how to comfort you, share your anxieties. Together you will be able to make it easy for both of you.
We people are sensitive in relationships and find it difficult to ignore stuff. Chances are that we might be bottling up our feelings! To keep a relationship healthy it is vital to communicate as much as you can. Say it the moment you feel it. Sometimes things are not what you see or feel. Every person’s thoughts, intentions, actions and words carry different meaning. So it is wise to make sure that what you understood is actually what they meant. That makes life much easier. Cut out the drama in your life and feel the lightness of it.